Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Discuss sexuality, whether your own or someone else's.

Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby It's Tim » 30th January, 2018, 7:33 pm

The last 2 weeks i've not felt good. I was in a deep depression surrounding school, life during 2016-17.
I didn't go to school for weeks and sometimes for a month. Then i started High School Fall 2018, it has truly been a hard time.
And im now scared that i wont graduate because i missed so many lessons in Maths. :noway: :noway:
So that's one of the things i worried about.

But then i get this feeling that i've never thought about too much before. Being Gay.
The moment that went through my mind i was stuck. I started to think about what my father thinks about it. He's homophobic. And how people talk and use the word Gay as a bad thing in school. :confused:
Now this is 2 weeks ago i got this thought, i feel very unsecure and scared. Im in the closet and feel like im about to burst. I have to tell someone right?

That's when i started to search for "Advise".
I stumbled upon this website and thought to myself: Is this where i come out? As i had already read through lots and lots of people having problems with coming out. The only difference is that i feel the urge that i have to come out to people i "know". I've said once before but only briefly. My stomach hurts alot, i can't sleep at nights. I've started to stay away from school once again but for another reason. And it's ever since i thought about being gay, coming home with someone i love and my parents would think of me as a disgrace. :err: :(

Then there's that. Actually "finding" someone that i would care alot about to be in a relationship with. It's hard. I've always known that i was gay. But i never actually thought about it, suddenly i feel very Gay and alone. I know how that sounds...

Now im here writing at 1:30 Am not knowing what to do. I don't know if Discord is my thing as many people already know eachother there so it's hard to join in and take part. :dunno:

Thanks, Tim

Ok i was originally gonna end it there but seriously.
Thank you so much for taking your time reading this. :yawn: :blush: :blush:
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby WinterIsHere » 30th January, 2018, 7:50 pm

Tim,
You should not feel pressured to come out to anyone, especially if you do not feel safe and confident in your current situation.
I think the first step should be self care. Take your time to come to terms with your individual traits and characteristics that make you unique. You don't have to depend on your being "out" or not to watch out for your health and wellbeing. Those should be your top priorities.

It took me a long time to realize I don't fit in with a heteronormative society but I also try to prioritize my own safety and health first.
I have never told anyone in person that I like guys just because I don't feel like it's the safest and most accepting situation for me at the moment, but this does not change the fact that I have to deal with it myself.


Please know that there will always be people out there who care for you regardless of your sexual preferences, favorite movies or the fact that you may or may not like broccoli over sprouts. This might sound silly, but I believe that comparisons like these help us see the individual and the commonalities in each other rather than differences that might scare some. Often, hate and discrimination are responses to insecurities when something unknown is encountered for the first time that challenges an established system that gives an individual a sense of stability and security.

Long story short, take care of yourself and make sure you are safe, always. Don't feel pressured to talk about your sexuality to anyone but look out for family members and friends who support you and love you. Maybe one day it will be right moment to talk about sexuality with them.


This is a very loving community here and a safe space for you to share concerns and fears.
All the best, high school can be rough but you'll be fine.

Feel free to reach out to individuals members as well.
Take care!
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby swedeam » 30th January, 2018, 8:07 pm

as far as your farther goes i would recommend finding out what your mom thinks about the subject,

people at school often use the word gay to negatively refer to something not necessarily to describe being a homosexual, however I've no idea about how the Swedish school system works so it could be different there(sorry)

if you end up coming out you may end up meeting other gay people your age, if you don't come out there is the option of gay bars but i wouldn't recommend it for finding a long term partner and it isn't the safest place to be eather,

i would strongly advise speaking to i phycologist about the feelings of depression you've been feeling,

and there are plenty of people here on the forum willing to talk to you whenever about your situation (myself included)
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby It's Tim » 30th January, 2018, 8:14 pm

WinterIsHere wrote:Tim,
You should not feel pressured to come out to anyone, especially if you do not feel safe and confident in your current situation.
I think the first step should be self care. Take your time to come to terms with your individual traits and characteristics that make you unique. You don't have to depend on your being "out" or not to watch out for your health and wellbeing. Those should be your top priorities.

It took me a long time to realize I don't fit in with a heteronormative society but I also try to prioritize my own safety and health first.
I have never told anyone in person that I like guys just because I don't feel like it's the safest and most accepting situation for me at the moment, but this does not change the fact that I have to deal with it myself.


Please know that there will always be people out there who care for you regardless of your sexual preferences, favorite movies or the fact that you may or may not like broccoli over sprouts. This might sound silly, but I believe that comparisons like these help us see the individual and the commonalities in each other rather than differences that might scare some. Often, hate and discrimination are responses to insecurities when something unknown is encountered for the first time that challenges an established system that gives an individual a sense of stability and security.

Long story short, take care of yourself and make sure you are safe, always. Don't feel pressured to talk about your sexuality to anyone but look out for family members and friends who support you and love you. Maybe one day it will be right moment to talk about sexuality with them.


This is a very loving community here and a safe space for you to share concerns and fears.
All the best, high school can be rough but you'll be fine.

Feel free to reach out to individuals members as well.
Take care!


Thank you! :heart:
It hurts not to come out.
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby It's Tim » 30th January, 2018, 8:23 pm

swedeam wrote:as far as your farther goes i would recommend finding out what your mom thinks about the subject,

people at school often use the word gay to negatively refer to something not necessarily to describe being a homosexual, however I've no idea about how the Swedish school system works so it could be different there(sorry)

if you end up coming out you may end up meeting other gay people your age, if you don't come out there is the option of gay bars but i wouldn't recommend it for finding a long term partner and it isn't the safest place to be eather,

i would strongly advise speaking to i phycologist about the feelings of depression you've been feeling,

and there are plenty of people here on the forum willing to talk to you whenever about your situation (myself included)



Thanks. :heart: :keke:

What i mean is thanks for offering, reading everything through :heart: :heart:
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby CRUSTY SEA MILF » 30th January, 2018, 8:29 pm

It's Tim wrote:The last 2 weeks i've not felt good. I was in a deep depression surrounding school, life during 2016-17.
I didn't go to school for weeks and sometimes for a month. Then i started High School Fall 2018, it has truly been a hard time.
And im now scared that i wont graduate because i missed so many lessons in Maths. :noway: :noway:
So that's one of the things i worried about.

But then i get this feeling that i've never thought about too much before. Being Gay.
The moment that went through my mind i was stuck. I started to think about what my father thinks about it. He's homophobic. And how people talk and use the word Gay as a bad thing in school. :confused:
Now this is 2 weeks ago i got this thought, i feel very unsecure and scared. Im in the closet and feel like im about to burst. I have to tell someone right?

That's when i started to search for "Advise".
I stumbled upon this website and thought to myself: Is this where i come out? As i had already read through lots and lots of people having problems with coming out. The only difference is that i feel the urge that i have to come out to people i "know". I've said once before but only briefly. My stomach hurts alot, i can't sleep at nights. I've started to stay away from school once again but for another reason. And it's ever since i thought about being gay, coming home with someone i love and my parents would think of me as a disgrace. :err: :(

Then there's that. Actually "finding" someone that i would care alot about to be in a relationship with. It's hard. I've always known that i was gay. But i never actually thought about it, suddenly i feel very Gay and alone. I know how that sounds...

Now im here writing at 1:30 Am not knowing what to do. I don't know if Discord is my thing as many people already know eachother there so it's hard to join in and take part. :dunno:

Thanks, Tim

Ok i was originally gonna end it there but seriously.
Thank you so much for taking your time reading this. :yawn: :blush: :blush:

Alright Tim, I'll do my best to reassure you and offer you some guidance from the experience of others and myself.
First, depression is something most, if not all of deal with in some way, shape, or form. I don't know if you are or were actively seeking treatment at any point, but I would like to let you know that depression isn't a fault with you as a person, it's essentially a chemical imbalance in your brain you cannot control on your own. I might suggest talking to a counselor or medical professional if it is still affecting you so that they can provide anti-depressants or therapy to help you cope with it.
High School is difficult, and is the gateway to adulthood for kids our age. Whether you plan on going to college, vocational school, joining the workforce, or joining the civil service or military out of college is not important. In the grand scheme of things, it's ok to fail, to struggle, and to admit failure, as long as you keep picking yourself back up. No one that matters is going to slight you if you need some extra assistance in school. School, in reality, is like a game, in the grand scheme of life, it's important to look toward a healthy future for yourself, so you don't have to feel like straight A's and perfection are necessary. You are defined by more than a mere grade from school, and someday when you're older, none of this is going to matter at all. Failure is the greatest teacher.
A lot of us, including myself, have dealt with the fear of our parents not accepting us, for this reason, I would take the advice which George, Sokol, and Scottnesss all gave to me: Wait until you're able to financially support yourself to come out if you fear your parents will not accept it (once you're a legal adult and can make those choices for yourself to move out). This way, you aren't left on the streets, out of options, and scared. While I think it's hard for a parent to hate their child for something like being gay (even when they are homophobic, for example), I don't think it's impossible. You want to set yourself up with a safety net, in case you really need it. Whether this means an apartment, living with a friend, or a relative who is accepting and will stand by you, you want to make sure you have a safe place to live.
While I understand the urge to want to come out, you have to be extremely careful about who you speak to in your situation. Word can spread quickly, including to your parents, so if you do intend to tell someone eventually, think long and hard about that choice, and whether you really trust that person/know them well enough. It's ok to love and be closeted as well, you don't have to "bring someone home to the parents" at all, and this is a standard that should be abolished. I think most of us here that have come out have actually had really positive experiences overall, even when unsure as to how their parents would react.
Your intro says you're 16, almost 17. While this may seem old to you, you're still really young! You don't have to find someone you're ready to marry anytime soon. Sometimes it takes dozens of dates and partners to find the one you truly feel is your soulmate, and that's ok! It's tough to be a teen and gay, I get it, I struggle with it at times too. The best thing you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, having hope in the future, and making the most of it <3
I get that the discord can be extremely overwhelming, I was in your position at one point too. I found that it's very easy to connect with people you meet over private message, build a friendship with them and others, and then try to build more of a spot within the community. Sometimes chat is so rapid fire that you feel like you're lost in a sea of messages and text. I would like to personally invite you to message me on discord anytime and I would me more than happy to speak more about this, give you advise, and reassure you if you're feeling discouraged. I'm super approachable and want to make sure people are doing well and feel safe and welcome. I'm wolbre4 on the forum and @Discothèque#9600 off the forum if you ever want to message me, Tim.
Have a good night buddy and take it easy :)
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby Calcifer » 30th January, 2018, 8:45 pm

Hey there Tim,

I'm really proud of you for coming onto the forum from the Discord! Realising these things about yourself and coming to grips can often be a troubling time in our lives. As you've said, you have these worries -

Firstly about telling other people - Don't feel pressured at all to come out. It entirely depends on when you feel comfortable, and when you think is the best time for it. If you really feel you need to come out to someone in person, I'd suggest a close friend you know well and who wouldn't judge you for this. Having just one or two people knowing in person can be a big relief.

Next up is finding someone to be with - I wouldn't say worry to much about this at the moment. Your own health is way more important than any relationship, so being comfortable in your own skin should hopefully be your priority.

Finally, as for the Discord: I've seen you in there a few times, you seem to fit in fine! Just hang around, chat with us, we'll hopefully make you feel more at home and comfortable with these things. A lot of us have been through it, so we know how hard it can be sometimes - especially when family might not accept.
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby It's Tim » 30th January, 2018, 9:57 pm

Calcifer wrote:Hey there Tim,

I'm really proud of you for coming onto the forum from the Discord! Realising these things about yourself and coming to grips can often be a troubling time in our lives. As you've said, you have these worries -

Firstly about telling other people - Don't feel pressured at all to come out. It entirely depends on when you feel comfortable, and when you think is the best time for it. If you really feel you need to come out to someone in person, I'd suggest a close friend you know well and who wouldn't judge you for this. Having just one or two people knowing in person can be a big relief.

Next up is finding someone to be with - I wouldn't say worry to much about this at the moment. Your own health is way more important than any relationship, so being comfortable in your own skin should hopefully be your priority.

Finally, as for the Discord: I've seen you in there a few times, you seem to fit in fine! Just hang around, chat with us, we'll hopefully make you feel more at home and comfortable with these things. A lot of us have been through it, so we know how hard it can be sometimes - especially when family might not accept.


Thank you Calcifer :heart:
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby ItsMeJack » 31st January, 2018, 10:37 am

You are still young, you don't have to come out of the closet. You do it when you are ready. I know my parents, family and friends are 100% behind it, but I'm still not ready to come out. :dunno:

You still have enough time to find someone you love. :heart:

If you feel like bursting, you can always consider telling your bestfriend(s). But then ONLY if you are 100% sure that this(/those) person(s) can be trusted.

And with your father being homophobic you can, just like someone else said, wait until you are legally an adult and when you can financially support yourself. And is your mother also homophobic?

And if you feel like talking to someone, I am always open for a good talk. :keke:
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby Amadeus » 1st February, 2018, 1:21 pm

It's Tim wrote:The last 2 weeks i've not felt good. I was in a deep depression surrounding school, life during 2016-17.
I didn't go to school for weeks and sometimes for a month. Then i started High School Fall 2018, it has truly been a hard time.
And im now scared that i wont graduate because i missed so many lessons in Maths. :noway: :noway:
So that's one of the things i worried about.

But then i get this feeling that i've never thought about too much before. Being Gay.
The moment that went through my mind i was stuck. I started to think about what my father thinks about it. He's homophobic. And how people talk and use the word Gay as a bad thing in school. :confused:
Now this is 2 weeks ago i got this thought, i feel very unsecure and scared. Im in the closet and feel like im about to burst. I have to tell someone right?

That's when i started to search for "Advise".
I stumbled upon this website and thought to myself: Is this where i come out? As i had already read through lots and lots of people having problems with coming out. The only difference is that i feel the urge that i have to come out to people i "know". I've said once before but only briefly. My stomach hurts alot, i can't sleep at nights. I've started to stay away from school once again but for another reason. And it's ever since i thought about being gay, coming home with someone i love and my parents would think of me as a disgrace. :err: :(

Then there's that. Actually "finding" someone that i would care alot about to be in a relationship with. It's hard. I've always known that i was gay. But i never actually thought about it, suddenly i feel very Gay and alone. I know how that sounds...

Now im here writing at 1:30 Am not knowing what to do. I don't know if Discord is my thing as many people already know eachother there so it's hard to join in and take part. :dunno:

Thanks, Tim

Ok i was originally gonna end it there but seriously.
Thank you so much for taking your time reading this. :yawn: :blush: :blush:

Du är alltid välkommen till Discorden! Bara att slänga in nåt meddelande. Och vill du snacka privat kan vi göra det, om du vill! :)
No way to contact me anymore. I'm out.
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby Dolly » 3rd February, 2018, 2:01 pm

Don't stress. You've got years ahead of you and should go at your own pace. :)
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby It's Tim » 3rd February, 2018, 6:21 pm

I just want to thank everyone that commented on this post and helped me out. I feel better and you've given me alot of hope and advice. Im greatful for this.

Thank you so much :heart: :heart: :heart:
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby TheBrunswickian » 4th February, 2018, 5:52 am

Most of us have been through this. You're not alone here
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Re: Im stuck. Feel horrible. :/

Unread postby Koiol11 » 11th February, 2018, 5:54 pm

It's Tim wrote:The last 2 weeks i've not felt good. I was in a deep depression surrounding school, life during 2016-17.
I didn't go to school for weeks and sometimes for a month. Then i started High School Fall 2018, it has truly been a hard time.
And im now scared that i wont graduate because i missed so many lessons in Maths. :noway: :noway:
So that's one of the things i worried about.

But then i get this feeling that i've never thought about too much before. Being Gay.
The moment that went through my mind i was stuck. I started to think about what my father thinks about it. He's homophobic. And how people talk and use the word Gay as a bad thing in school. :confused:
Now this is 2 weeks ago i got this thought, i feel very unsecure and scared. Im in the closet and feel like im about to burst. I have to tell someone right?

That's when i started to search for "Advise".
I stumbled upon this website and thought to myself: Is this where i come out? As i had already read through lots and lots of people having problems with coming out. The only difference is that i feel the urge that i have to come out to people i "know". I've said once before but only briefly. My stomach hurts alot, i can't sleep at nights. I've started to stay away from school once again but for another reason. And it's ever since i thought about being gay, coming home with someone i love and my parents would think of me as a disgrace. :err: :(

Then there's that. Actually "finding" someone that i would care alot about to be in a relationship with. It's hard. I've always known that i was gay. But i never actually thought about it, suddenly i feel very Gay and alone. I know how that sounds...

Now im here writing at 1:30 Am not knowing what to do. I don't know if Discord is my thing as many people already know eachother there so it's hard to join in and take part. :dunno:

Thanks, Tim

Ok i was originally gonna end it there but seriously.
Thank you so much for taking your time reading this. :yawn: :blush: :blush:

You are who you are don’t let anyone say otherwise. It may be scary but don’t let them get to you. You need to believe in yourself and not care what people at school care about the subject because it’s not their concern. Now I can’t say I know how you feel because I’ve never met my father so I don’t care what he thinks but you need to face the fact that your gay and decide whether or not to come out because he’s gonna find at some point but it’s your decision so don’t let his thoughts bother you k.
And your not a disgrace to anyone. If they don’t like it so what they will just have to deal with it.

Bye and good luck from Koiol11 (Kieran)
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