Difficult conversation

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Difficult conversation

Unread postby egypte » 27th September, 2017, 9:33 am

Okay, this is my story. Maybe it is rather obvious to others... I don't know... I just need some input... some thoughts... whatever. Something.

Last year I met a guy and after some months I started to like him... really much. I had the impression he is gay... Well, I don't know, I suspect and he doesn't know that I'm gay either or at least not explicitly. He didn't pay much attention to me and actually ignored me for some time... But somehow, when we talk, we get along very well and I mean: very well... Sometimes the day afterwards, we completely ignore each other again... I get a bit mad (I mean: I know he is not obliged to do anything, but this doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me...), I ignore him, he tries to talk to me. The day afterwards I'm sorry and try to talk to him, he ignores me... Sometimes he waits for people leaving the room and only then starts talking to me... (Is it just guilt?) It goes like this for months and months: very good - bad - very good - bad... There is some kind of weird positive/negative tension between us. Clearly, after some months this stressed me out... In the end, I actually wrote him that some of his behaviour hurted me (the completely ignoring part, etc. I can't blame him for not liking me...) and I'm sure that, if he wanted to get the message that I like him, he understood the message... I kinda stated it explicitly...

Now, I got an email some hours afterwards, stating that he wasn't aware "of some things", is very sorry, cares for me (what does this mean?) and wanted to talk to me privately to explain some things... On the other hand, he seems to be very cautious with his choice of words... I mean: if he wasn't aware that I liked him, I guess he doesn't like me back... If he liked me, he would have made it clear in the emails, which he didn't... In the end, we agreed to meet...

Now, actually I'm very anxious as I have no idea what to expect (he knows this)... and I'm a bit scared of being alone with him... as I know that it will be a rather emotional/intimate talk... I mean: if he doesn't like me (as is my impression from the emails), what is the use of talking and going through this whole thing over again? In reality, I'm afraid he just wants to talk to me to reject me in a polite way... Should I just cancel our meeting? On the other hand, why does he say that he cares for me? Is this just to be polite? Does anyone have some good advice how to handle this? I just have no idea... I would really appreciate some constructive remarks... Just something...
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Re: Difficult conversation

Unread postby Dolly » 27th September, 2017, 11:44 am

I would just meet him and person and tell him how you feel. Also, I would stop the whole "he ignored me, so I'll ignore him" game; it's unproductive and just makes y'all's relationship sour. At any rate, private conversations are supposed to be anxious and they should be done in person to make sure you both are clear and can't be totally selective with word choice. Best of luck :)
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Re: Difficult conversation

Unread postby Woollyhoolly » 28th September, 2017, 2:12 am

Tbh i think he does like you, but he just hsm’t fully accepted the fact that he himself is into guys now. Meet him, and hope for the best...
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Re: Difficult conversation

Unread postby egypte » 28th September, 2017, 9:28 am

I don't think he likes me... Maybe it was a mistake. The conversation will feel like receiving an empty box, maybe it's my own fault. Somehow I guess he cares... out of some kind of "false guilt".

I will go nevertheless... listen to a sad conversation, take responsability and cry a bit afterwards.
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Re: Difficult conversation

Unread postby BryanC » 29th September, 2017, 11:29 pm

Try to not think negative, it can go fifty fifty. Stay calm right now and just see what happens, you never know the worst that happens is he rejects you nicely. Afterwards you can still attempt a friendship if thats the case. Best case scenario he says he likes you too and you two start dating. So just wait and see.
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