What do I do?

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What do I do?

Unread postby RHD99 » 17th October, 2017, 3:03 pm

Hello,

I just joined this forum because I wanted someone to talk to about this since I don't really know much yet and I'm a bit nervous to talk about it with anyone that I know. I'm currently 17 and in my junior year of high school and just recently I had an encounter that's really made me question who I am.

A few weeks ago I went into a different class (of freshman) before lunch to work on a project. At the end of the period I left early and this guy that was in the class was standing in the hallway (I think he went to the bathroom and just was waiting in the hall before the bell rang). Anyways, as I was leaving the room he kinda looked at me and then started to walk next to me and asked "so are you a sophomore" and I was just like "no, I'm a junior, I wasn't in that class I was just working on a project" and at first I was like who is this person talking talking to me, but once I saw him I felt really heavy-hearted for a second and I couldn't really explain the feeling. So I continued walking figuring that was the end of the conversation, but then he asked "do you know what time the bell rings for lunch?" and I simply responded "yeah I'm pretty sure it's at 29" which then he just kinda said "alright thanks" and walked away.

After that I was really interested in who he was and why he decided to talk to me. I felt this feeling when I saw him and it made me want to know more. At first I was thinking he was a sophomore and that's why he asked me in the first place but I went into that class another day and I saw him in there. I kept trying to think of reasons as to why he would talk to me, it just seems like he wanted to get to know me but then again maybe he was just trying to make conversation? I've been overthinking it a lot and now I'm starting to question why I even care in the first place. I mean, why should I care? I don't know anything about him or even his name. This leads me to my next part.

I never really thought much about my sexuality and who I am up until this point. But now that I think about it I'm starting to think that I might be gay. Since I've had this obsession with this one guy I feel attracted to him, but I don't really think I want to be gay. Now that I've been thinking about it more I'm starting to realize why I might be. I don't really find girls attractive and other than 1 instance, I've never had a crush on a girl. However I've always had friends that were girls since as young as I can remember. All through elementary school, most of my friends were girls and while I know this probably doesn't mean much, I think it does. At this point I started to realize the way I look at some guys and how I feel more interested in looking at them than girls. It's really confusing to me and I don't think I want to be gay but I just don't understand whats going on.

Anyways, after thinking about this stuff a lot I'm starting to notice more and more guys that I find attractive but I don't know if I actually find them attractive or if I just think they have a nice appearance. Now I feel like a creep because I've been trying to get out of my 4th period early just so that I can see that one guy, but I'm way too afraid to talk with him or even ask him anything. I keep telling myself to forget about it and just move on but I can't stop thinking about him. I have really bad anxiety and at this point I haven't shared any of this stuff with anyone yet so I felt that this would be the best place to start. If anyone has any ideas on what a good approach might be to move forward I would really appreciate it.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this horribly long message!
-Ryan
Last edited by RHD99 on 9th December, 2017, 5:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: I need some help

Unread postby boiii » 17th October, 2017, 3:38 pm

hello Ryan

it's good that you came here for advice :) we're happy to help.

That I might have been gay had never occurred to me until I was 15. I also got slightly obsessed with a popular, attractive guy. I recognized some things you said too.
When I noticed how that I had weird thoughts about that guy I watched all kinds of porn to determine what I was. GTF does not support minors watching adult content at all :lol:

Now your guy might just be a nice, social, spontaneous person. He just started a conversation. There are some people like that I know and are often liked by a lot of people. He'd probably be a good friend, so even if you're gay or bi or not at all it wouldn't hurt to watch some youtube video's (like ones from the channel Charisma on Command). It's a cool channel and would help with your anxiety.

hope some of these thing helped a bit :)
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Re: I need some help

Unread postby RHD99 » 17th October, 2017, 7:05 pm

Thanks for getting back to me,

I appreciate the kind words :) hopefully I'll find my way soon, I just feel confused and lost right now. I'll have to check out some of the channels you recommended. If you have any thoughts on the best step to take from my position right now I would love to hear what you and others have in mind!
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Re: I need some help

Unread postby Cruel& » 21st October, 2017, 4:02 am

I'm unsure if I could be of any help here, but I do have an idea. You know, sometimes I feel like all my decisions/goals need to be planned & set. But then I realize, there's absolutely no rush at all.

In other words, you have all the time in the world to figure out who you are, & who you like.
Even if this boy you're talking about is never seen by you again, you will always have many opportunities to find other guys.
Everything you like will always be there for you.
"I'm so glad I came but I can't wait to leave"
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Re: I need some help

Unread postby RHD99 » 22nd October, 2017, 11:25 pm

I feel the same way about goals, I always want to map things out, do it, then cross it off the list and move on. And while I realize I have so much time to figure it out, its just hard to live day by day not knowing what could happen. I don't even know if I am who I think I am which is a bit scary to think about. Maybe its just a phase, but maybe its not? Regardless I appreciate your input, I'll try to think more about the large amount time I have to figure this stuff out. Too bad there isn't a clear answer to everything.
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Re: Am I gay?

Unread postby RHD99 » 4th December, 2017, 9:44 pm

Hey everyone,

I know I haven't been too active on the forums lately, a lot has been going on. However, I felt that it would be a good idea to give an update on the situation.

After extensive research, coming out videos, and talking to some other gay guys I'm pretty sure I am, although I don't think I'm ready to accept it yet. I haven't told my parents or any close friends yet but I'm preparing and thinking about what I would say and how I would say it. I really don't want anyone to act differently around me if I do come out which is another reason why I'm still a little unsure about it. Overall it's been nice to let out my feelings to some people and get personal feedback/thoughts on next steps. I've also gained some more confidence and tried to face my anxiety.

Now about this one guy... I tried a lot of ways to figure out who he is without asking directly because although I'm still working on my confidence. I just couldn't get myself to speak to him in person (not yet at least). I know that the only way I'll ever be able to get to know him is by speaking in person, but for me and my level of anxiety I think it would be best for us to get acquainted online first. Of course the most difficult part of this is figuring out who he is.

Since the last post I made, I've been passing by him every day and catch glances but not much else. I really wanted him to make the next move, even though he made the first one and really I should be the one to say something next. I would try to make my presence known and went through some extra unnecessary efforts. Conveniently, my locker is right next to his 4th period class, so on some days I've tried to stick around a little longer and while I thought I was getting somewhere, I ended up just feeling stupid for what I was doing and how it wasn't really getting anywhere at all.

About 3 weeks ago I was walking to lunch and he was walking ahead of me. Someone that he knew ran up behind and was like "Hey Nate wait up!" At first I was thinking it was someone else but once I realized it was him I then went on to spending hours looking up his first name and trying to seek results which obviously didn't get me anywhere. I was starting to think that maybe it wasn't his name? But either way I wasn't sure and I just kinda gave up on that

Soon after that, I was working on a project with someone in another class and she happened to bring up that she is the TA (Teacher's Assistant) for his 4th period class! I didn't want to tell her much but I knew that there was a possibility I could get his name from her. After a few texts back and forth she wasn't able to get anything, however during the time that we were texting it was quite awkward and I was just so anxious to figure out his name!

I figured that the only way I was going to get his name (without any direct conversation) is through friends of friends. Of course once again I know that speaking directly is the BEST WAY but I just can't do that yet, so instead I took to profile stalking on Instagram! I ended up adding a whole lot of people that I didn't know very well and through them I added their followers, and followers of followers. I felt a little bit stalker-ish through all of this but overall it worked out. Even though I wasn't sure about hearing his name before, it turns out that it was, and I was able to find his profile! Hooray!

At this point I started to think about what to do from here. I didn't want to go out and start messaging him without having some sort of an idea of how I was to do this. My first step that I knew I needed to do was modify my Instagram account to make it easier for him to recognize me, as of right now I don't have any photos of me on my profile and I knew that since he doesn't know my name I need to get a good photo to post. Next I plan on messaging him by saying something along the lines of "Hey, have we talked before? I saw you in my recommended and could've sworn that we've met before." Hopefully from that point on he's understanding and remembers who I am! Now I don't know for sure what he could say but if it does work out then maybe after getting to know each other in chat eventually we could meet in person and I think it would be easier for me if we're already acquainted.

After that I have no idea what could happen, but regardless he seems like someone really nice and I would still love to get to know him! I don't know how many people are interested in reading this but it just feels good for me to let it all out. Thanks!

Ryan
Last edited by RHD99 on 4th December, 2017, 11:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Am I gay?

Unread postby CRUSTY SEA MILF » 4th December, 2017, 10:35 pm

Ryan, I think that you are in a really good position. Something I might have missed or you may not have addressed, but did your friend give any indication that he may be gay? Hopefully you have the chance to develop a really awesome friendship that (eventually) can turn into something more! Based on your first explanation and this update, it definitely sounds like you're gay. If you're like me, I feel that Girls/Women can be beautiful or pretty, but I'm not sexually attracted to them in any way, so that may be a similar situation with you. But it really sounds like you may be gay! Have a great day and let us know of any important updates, questions, or if you have more to elaborate on! ^ ^
Feel free to join the discord sometime and chat with us.
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Re: Am I gay?

Unread postby RHD99 » 4th December, 2017, 11:00 pm

Thanks, yeah I know I didn't go over that much. Like I said, I don't know really anything about him. I only had one interaction with him and while I'm hoping the reason that he did decide to talk to me is that, I unfortunately have a feeling that's not the case. Based on my profile stalking it doesn't seem that he is in any sort of relationship, or ever was for that matter which is hopeful; although I really have no idea. Just today I was looking at some of his followers and I found someone that he seems to be quite friendly with that happens to be openly gay. Of course like I mentioned before I have no idea, and regardless even if he's not I still wouldn't mind getting to know him :P

I am almost 99% positive I am gay, and I feel the same way about women. I find them attractive, but not in any sort of sexual way. I do however have feelings for this particular person and for a few others so I guess its pretty easy to say that I am. I appreciate your feedback though, I'll definitely try to keep posting what's going on, I don't feel as alone by posting all this stuff, and it's really helped me stay confident and aware!
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Re: Am I gay?

Unread postby CRUSTY SEA MILF » 5th December, 2017, 12:14 am

As easy for it is for me to say be confident and direct, sometimes taking that first step is incredibly tough. Don't feel as if you have to step outside your comfort zone if you don't want to, sometimes it's better to take it slow and do a thorough job than it is to rush through and make a potentially crucial error. Otherwise, do what you feel is right :keke:
I would be more than happy to discuss this with you further if you would like, whether via voice or pm.
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Re: Am I gay?

Unread postby RHD99 » 5th December, 2017, 3:00 pm

I know, I gotta just take it slow and that's what I've been doing. I'm pretty confident that this can work out as long as I don't get carried away or do something stupid and impulsive. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and this can all work out!
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby RHD99 » 9th December, 2017, 5:24 pm

Alright so here is a bit of an update, quite a bit has happened...

Yesterday I got home and I just was so tired of waiting and I made my move. I originally was going to wait until winter break in the event that something went wrong and it would just give some time away from school for it to be forgotten but at this point I didn't really care. To start I got a good profile pic and proceeded to message him on Instagram. I was like "Hey I found you in my suggested and I could've sworn that we've spoke before". After that it was the waiting game, and I gotta say it was incredibly painful to just sit around for an answer.

After 24 hours (This morning) I was starting to get a bit worried, it didn't show that he saw the message so I asked a friend and he suggested trying his snapchat. I did a little research and I guess some people don't have notifications for pm's, and especially since he wasn't following me there wasn't much of a chance he would see it anytime soon. I finally went out and added him on snap, which was quickly accepted! I then started by saying "Hey what's up" and from there we just talked for a little while. I then brought up our encounter, which by now was a few months ago and unfortunately, he didn't remember it :( We exchanged face pics and he didn't seem to recognize me which was disappointing. His responses took awhile, and were brief. I guess it could've just been bad timing, although I don't think he likes me to be honest. I tried to keep the conversation going but he didn't ask any questions, and some of mine went unanswered. The last interaction we had was where I asked him a question, and his answer was "Yeah, I gtg".

Hopefully its all just a matter of bad timing, but I'm pretty convinced that this is a dead end. I'm most concerned about seeing him in person now that we had an awkward conversation, and he knows what I look like. At this rate I don't want to be annoying and keep trying to be friends with someone that doesn't want to be friends, although its really hard to give up something that I've been focused on for so long. I'm going to keep trying to message him and hopefully we have some stuff in common to talk about.
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby RHD99 » 17th January, 2018, 12:31 am

I don't know if anyone is interested in reading all my stuff since I didn't get any answers from my last post, however I'm in another situation where I'd like to get some advice or suggestions on so I would appreciate some feedback! If you haven't been following my story, the only part that's really relevant now is the 5th paragraph so I suggest picking up there! Thanks.


Alright so after the not-so-great conversation between me and Nate that took place on snapchat back in early December, there were several occasions where we saw each other and he definitely recognized me. It was really nerve-racking when I did see him, but thankfully it didn't seem like a big deal to him and since he wasn't going out of his way to message me, or talk to me in person I assumed that there wasn't any interest and he didn't think anything of me.

After finishing exams, winter break began and he happened to post something on his story a few days into it. I knew that this was going to be a good opportunity to start a conversation and it actually went better than expected. We ended up talking about a few things and he seemed more engaged than previously so that was relieving. I tried my best to get his interests and if we shared any but it didn't really look like it so that was disappointing.

I still have no idea if he even is gay, although at the rate I was going I was just trying to be friends. I did get a clue though. During the break he posted a photo on Instagram with him and another guy. It was strange because it was a photo that he had already posted on his twitter several months ago so clearly they must be good friends. The strange part about it was that in the comments said somethings like "glad you guys finally came out" and "gay". The other guy in the photo said something and got a response from Nate saying "love you <3". Of course it could all be just a joke but it might not be? Either way I was starting to forget about him and enjoy my break.

December 23rd was the last day we talked and it was only because I had messaged him. After this I really started to face the truth and see that unless he wants to get to know me then there will never be any connection between us. Throughout the holiday break I got more and more busy with other things and thankfully stopped thinking about him all together. My sadness for it all kinda faded as well and things got more back to normal again. School started back up last week and there were a few occasions where I ran into him but like before I didn't get any indication of interest.

Awhile back I had joined grindr ONLY to get an idea of what the other gay guys in my area were like. I had no intentions of doing anything "right now" so while I realize that that's what the app is for, I didn't really care. I put a few details in my bio, no profile pic or anything. Of course I got a ton of taps from 50 y/o's and other weird stuff but there were a few dudes that I thought were cute and decided to message first which was both awkward and disappointing. Some were more interested in talking than others and since I didn't really want to share pics many didn't want to chat. Some guys were really nice, started conversations, listened to my situation and I got some needed suggestions for coming out and how to get through it all which I absolutely appreciated.

Since grindr lists the people in your area that are on the app, I actually recognized some faces from school which was definitely surprising and ended up messaging a few but didn't get that far. Although at this point I was feeling really alone since I didn't know a single gay person at my school it was kind of relieving to know that I wasn't alone. One guy named Luke, in particular caught my eye and we chatted a little bit but he didn't check the messages that often (about every other day) so it wasn't a very smooth conversation at first. Eventually I asked for his snap to continue talking and we then proceeded to message on there. At first I had no idea who he was and had never seen him before in my life, but he just so happens to be senior that's heavily involved with band at our school which I was completely unaware of. Anyways we got acquainted and talked a good amount. He also had no idea that I was at out school too which is pretty ironic. I guess in a school with over 2,000 students there are going to be many that you'll never see. I have to say that I kinda have feelings for him and it makes me so happy to know that he IS gay unlike Nate, and we are getting friendly in chat, something else that wasn't working out before. Again we've never met each other in person and have only been chatting for a little bit. I'd like to get to know him better but I can't really tell if he likes me in any sort of way either. He's out to very few people as well so we talked a little bit about how public of a thing it should be and gave me some good words of advice.

Around this time I was adding some people on snapchat and this one guy started talking to me! I had no idea who he was, all I knew was that his name's Logan and he's senior at our school but he was really friendly and we just started chatting. He happened to ask what my sexuality was and I just briefly explained that I'm still kinda figuring it out, of course since this is all still stuff that I want to keep private I was uneasy about getting into it. Coincidentally he happened to be gay and he seemed to be really interested in me as well. We quickly became good friends without even knowing each other in person which is pretty incredible. I was also asking about some other gay guys that he knew at our school and some of the names rang a bell, he's also slightly familiar with Luke. I did mention that I had been chatting with Luke and I feel like he knows that I do like him. He even said that we would be cute together which I was surprised about but it made me feel really bad as if I was betraying him. Anyways, Logan and I been chatting on snap ever since and he seems really interested in me and wants to go out and do stuff together but I just don't know him that well and I'll be honest I don't have feelings for him in any romantic way. Of course we've talked about that and he understands why I wouldn't, I mean we've only talked through snapchat and don't even know what each other looks like in person. At this point I don't know what the future holds but I do value our friendship a lot and hopefully we can get to know each other better.

At this point I've pretty much completely lost interest and any sort of motivation for trying with Nate. I don't know if he's gay, he doesn't want to talk to me, and we don't really share anything in common. Now about the two seniors, one of the biggest thing is that they're leaving school at the end of this semester forever. I will probably never see them ever again unless something happens between us and it's sad to think about that. I really like Luke in a more loving way, but we haven't talked that much and I can't really tell if he has any feelings towards me either. I know that relationships won't develop online and I'll need to do more if I want anything to happen but I'm just so nervous and anxious about everything. This time around I feel much more comfortable sharing stuff and I think it would be easier for us to become friends unlike the situation with Nate. Logan is a whole other thing because he really seems to like me but I don't share the same feelings. We've talked a lot in the few days that we've known each other and I absolutely want to hang out with him but I just feel split in-between these two guys...

Anyways I will be very surprised if anyone took the time to read this, for those that did it means a lot. I know I can be pretty wordy but really I just feel good about writing down all my thoughts. It not only helps me but I get some feedback and guidance. I'm much more confident and proud of myself for where I am today, I felt like I was in a hole with Nate and I really think I got out of it. Before I not only felt alone, but I had the uncertainty of not knowing if he was gay, if he liked me, if he cared to know me, it was just a lot of assumptions and hope that ultimately led to disappointment. Right now I feel more free and confident I just wish I could figure out a good way to continue to be good friends with Logan, but I really want to get to know Luke better and hopefully develop a relationship. The worst part about all of this is that they're both leaving forever at the end of this semester. Either way I'll end up alone again so maybe it would be better off to just not get close to either of them if I'm just going to be crushed at the end of the year.

If anyone could give me advice on what options I could take from here I would appreciate it greatly. Thanks again.
Ryan
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby ireland » 17th January, 2018, 2:37 am

I think that your mind is rather conflicted right now and that you need to figure out what to do with it. There are three people that you are interested in, or you think are interested in you. As you said, you feel rather split right now, but until you figure out which way you want to go, you're not going to be able to determine who you want to go for. Based off of what you've said regarding your conversations with Nate, he seems to not be as receptive to you as you are to him - so he's probably just not interested in you.

In regards to Luke and Logan, as you have mentioned, they are indeed seniors right now, which means that you don't have much time to decide if you want to further things with any of them, so whilst your mind is clouded right now, you have to realise that if you do not act on anything soon, they will most likely be gone forever. The main way that you're going to get to socialise with them more is through real life. As you've said, relationships are not formed online, especially in Logan's case, so I would recommend you attempt to suggest casual stuff to do with them in person, such as go iceskating, hiking, or whatever catches your fancy - and see how it progresses from there.
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby Cruel& » 17th January, 2018, 3:24 am

My advice; even though Logan & Luke are seniors and will leave, that doesn't mean you shouldn't start a relationship with one of them.
I think that all relationships, even short ones, can be taken as a learning experience. First relationship especially.
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby RHD99 » 17th January, 2018, 5:41 pm

ireland wrote:I think that your mind is rather conflicted right now and that you need to figure out what to do with it. There are three people that you are interested in, or you think are interested in you. As you said, you feel rather split right now, but until you figure out which way you want to go, you're not going to be able to determine who you want to go for. Based off of what you've said regarding your conversations with Nate, he seems to not be as receptive to you as you are to him - so he's probably just not interested in you.

In regards to Luke and Logan, as you have mentioned, they are indeed seniors right now, which means that you don't have much time to decide if you want to further things with any of them, so whilst your mind is clouded right now, you have to realise that if you do not act on anything soon, they will most likely be gone forever. The main way that you're going to get to socialise with them more is through real life. As you've said, relationships are not formed online, especially in Logan's case, so I would recommend you attempt to suggest casual stuff to do with them in person, such as go iceskating, hiking, or whatever catches your fancy - and see how it progresses from there.

Thanks for your response. I absolutely am conflicted between these guys and I've kinda gotten an idea as to how I might do it. At this point I've lost my interest in Nate and since I don't even know if he's gay and he doesn't care to talk to me, I'm over him. Now Logan actually asked me to go out to lunch this weekend and maybe see a movie which I'm excited to do. We've been talking daily back/forth on snapchat and while I know I'll enjoy going out, I don't want to give him too much of the impression that I love him. I feel awful that he seems so into me and I don't have feelings for him back but I don't know what else to do. Like I mentioned above he is aware that I talk to Luke and that I don't have feelings for him however he's hoping that when we get to know each other better it will change. I'm all for getting more friendly but I really like Luke and want to try to make things work with him. Of course again they're both seniors and I don't want either of them to leave, but if we were to get more close maybe something can work. I haven't met any of them in person yet however I plan to simply explain my feelings to Luke and see what he says, Its a relief to be able to do this to someone I know is gay and I'm so glad that I'm in this position.
Last edited by RHD99 on 17th January, 2018, 7:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby RHD99 » 17th January, 2018, 5:42 pm

Cruel& wrote:My advice; even though Logan & Luke are seniors and will leave, that doesn't mean you shouldn't start a relationship with one of them.
I think that all relationships, even short ones, can be taken as a learning experience. First relationship especially.

I absolutely agree, it might not last but I would sure love to have a good time for the rest of this year. I don't know which colleges they're going to but maybe if either of them are nearby we could still make something work.
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby RHD99 » 18th February, 2018, 11:01 pm

Hey everyone, this is going to be my last big post in this thread. I've reached the point where I've gotten more comfortable with myself and I'm happy to say that I am now ready to move on. Throughout this thread I've wrote out everything that's happened in my experience and It's nice to look back and see how it's all played out. While I could've left out a lot of details, I don't want to forget this and I'm glad I included what I did.

I started as someone that was confused, lost, and alone. This was the first place where I shared my true thoughts about who I am as a person and it's guided me to where I am today. What started out as a simple questioning of my feelings turned into a realization that will live with me forever. These past few months have been some of the scariest in my life and I'm still finding it hard to believe that 6 months ago I would've never thought of myself as gay. It's going to take much more time to fully accept and understand myself but I know that I'm on the right path and it's relieving to know. All I have to say is thank you. Thank you to the people that reached out, that read my story, that gave me guidance and to the ones that truly helped me get to where I am today.

Now about my current situation. Where I left off I had just met Logan and Luke. They're both seniors and attend my school however I've never met either of them in person. Logan confessed to me that he had a thing for me and his thought was that once I got to know him better I would love him. I ended up being straightforward with him and explained that I don't feel the same way and don't see anything happening to which he got reasonably upset. We had a lot of long messages back/forth but after that we haven't really talked that much. There have been plants to meet up at some point but ultimately it just wasn't destined to happen and while I really enjoyed talking to him there wasn't anything there so that's the way it is. While I still think there's a chance for us to become friends, I'm really trying to focus on things working out with Luke and since It would only hurt him more for me to be in a relationship I think that the way things are right now is for the best of us.

It's a bit of a different story for Luke. In my last post I had just started talking to him and didn't know if he liked me in any way or not. Since then we continued talking and I really wanted to meet up with him and asked if he would be available over a weekend. He told me that he was going to be busy with a rehearsal for something important and wouldn't be able to do anything until Feb. 10th. After that I just couldn't wait and straight out told him how I felt, I explained that while we don't know each other that well, I admire his personality and said stuff like "you seem like the kind of person that...". Out of all the answers in the world I got something I wasn't expecting (especially for someone I met on Grindr!). He told me that what I said means a lot and that he really appreciates it. That was it... I followed up with a question asking him if he felt the same way, to which he said "Yes, I would like to get to know you better. And that was it, for 3 weeks we continued talking and while we'd have great conversations, he would never reach out and message me which made me feel as if he might've just said what he did instead of saying no? Anyways the day finally came and went and now it's present day. We're planning on meeting any day now and my excitement is building along with massive anxiety and stress. I really want this to work and I'm so happy with how things are going, I just have a feeling that I'm wasting my time and he doesn't care. Based on what I know he seems really genuine and he means what he says so I don't think he's playing games but I guess I'm just not sure.

Something I did spend a lot of time on was trying to figure out what love is. When I first saw Luke's profile on Grindr I wouldn't say I was THAT attracted, but the way he talked to me just made me feel good. I didn't have a profile pic either so he didn't seem to care who I was or what I looked like, he just was there to talk to me. After we moved to Snapchat and I figured out who he really was I got so intrigued and the more I learned about him the stronger my feelings became. I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't judge people based on looks but personality. I think that all love interests start with appearance and so many people focus on that. This makes me feel horrible for judging Logan since I kinda am basing it off of his looks, I hardly know anything about him so should I have given him a chance like Luke is for me? Either way I'm truly trying to see if my love for Luke is genuine since I don't know him personally and I don't want him to get the impression that I'm only interested in his looks. I'd say that his response makes sense in that he isn't really physically attracted to me which is why he isn't rushing out to message me, but he's willing to give me a chance. This is still something that I still think about daily and I'm unsure if it makes sense? If anyone has thoughts on this in particular I would appreciate it!

Probably more important than all of this is that I came out to my parents! I was in the car with my dad and he brought up the conversation about girls again and I ended up telling him. He grew up in San Francisco so he was completely fine with it and seemed really happy that I told him. When we got home we told my mom together and she seemed pretty okay about it although not as excited as my dad. Of course they both said that they love me and will fully support me through this. Prior to that I came out to a good friend of mine that I've known for years, she was also very supportive and was actually the one that got me to ask Luke out for the first time! I haven't told any of my guy friends yet since they're a lot less understanding and probably will have an awkward reaction so I'm holding off with them. It's a massive relief knowing that I no longer have the weight on my shoulders of keeping it a secret, I know how hard it is for so many guys to come out to their families and I can't express how thankful I am to be in this position.

So overall it's a pretty good situation and now that I'm at this point I think that it makes sense to end these updates. I might make just one more post depending on how my date goes but really this is it. Thanks again to those that have guided me and helped me through this. I'm excited to see what happens with Luke and if anyone has any suggestions for when we do get together I could totally use some advice! I've never been on a date before, and while I shouldn't call it a date, it's still a meetup with a romantic interest so I don't know what I should or shouldn't talk about but hopefully through this we'll get more acquainted and go on from there! My biggest concern right now is my anxiety and stress, I get a heart attack just from passing him in the halls! I've been trying my very best to stay confident but I'm afraid that I'll fall apart when the time comes. Either way I know I'm on the right track and if I keep doing what I'm doing I'm sure it'll all work out in the end!
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby Amadeus » 22nd February, 2018, 8:57 am

You don't need to label yourself. Be who you want to be! Just don't be fake as many others...

Good luck! :)
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby RHD99 » 23rd February, 2018, 1:30 am

Thank you for your response.

Ironically it turns out that Luke was a fake. We never met because he forgot, he didn't care. There were so many obvious signs that I tried to look past. I ended up talking to someone that was previously in a relationship with him and it was ugly. On the cover he seemed to be this amazing confident guy that loves what he does and knows exactly what he wants, when really it was the complete opposite. There are too many people like this in the world and it's such a shame that I got sucked into something meaningless. I'm going to continue to live my life and move on from this as a learned experience. I'm disappointed it fell apart so quickly but it just wasn't meant to be and I'm ashamed I didn't see it sooner.
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Re: What do I do?

Unread postby Amadeus » 23rd February, 2018, 8:41 am

RHD99 wrote:Thank you for your response.

Ironically it turns out that Luke was a fake. We never met because he forgot, he didn't care. There were so many obvious signs that I tried to look past. I ended up talking to someone that was previously in a relationship with him and it was ugly. On the cover he seemed to be this amazing confident guy that loves what he does and knows exactly what he wants, when really it was the complete opposite. There are too many people like this in the world and it's such a shame that I got sucked into something meaningless. I'm going to continue to live my life and move on from this as a learned experience. I'm disappointed it fell apart so quickly but it just wasn't meant to be and I'm ashamed I didn't see it sooner.

There are more guys, and of course better (and maybe hotter) than Luke! Good luck! :)
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