How should I approach this guy?

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How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby Cruel& » 5th December, 2017, 1:12 am

I'm a 15 year old high school sophomore with a crush on this gay guy in band. My friends know this guy & also know I have a crush, but I told them it's on a straight guy.
I've found his Instagram & plan to DM him on the weekend, but I am unsure of how to do so.

One friend told me not to be direct & try to befriend/get to know him. Afterwards try to ask him out, if possible.
Another friend told me to be direct & just say that I like him.
Both friends think it's a heterosexual guy.

I've honestly never been upfront with a guy & haven't had a crush in 2 years. :lol:
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby boiii » 5th December, 2017, 8:50 am

Simply confessing that you have a crush on him or that you like him usually isn't a good step to take.
It makes it look like you're asking him if he has a crush on you as well and that chance is (no offense) small. If you however ask him out he would be more likely to accept.

I don't know how close you two are, but getting to know him better first could also be good.
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby wolbre04 » 5th December, 2017, 12:44 pm

I would almost always get to know him first, since oftentimes you can really build something meaningful and can get to know more about him before you jump right in. How someone acts at face value can be different than how they behave in a one on one scenario, so I think it would be wise to develop knowledge and a friendly relationship early on. This way, the relationship is likely going to be happier overall, and is less likely to have some of the rougher ups and downs of dating.
In terms of how to contact him, I always think (assuming you are going the friendship, then dating route) that a good conversation starter is to put forward a question that piques his interest. Does he have an interesting photo on instagram? What does he think about a certain situation you both understand? What is something major you have in common (interests, hobbies, shared experiences, etc etc)? It can be really easy to eventually transition into low-level flirting and indicate interest eventually if you "set the stage" and maintain a degree of communication that can sustain a substantial, open-ended conversation
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby Dolly » 5th December, 2017, 12:58 pm

You're just talking to him for the first time. In person, you could just ask him questions about band and whatever you two have in common. Later, you could just DM him and see if he wants to hang out or get coffee or something. You definitely shouldn't confess your crush or feelings. Good luck :D

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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby Sokol » 5th December, 2017, 1:06 pm

Approach him, try to start a conversation when you see the chance. Find out if you have common interests. If you two seem to get along well, you could try to ask for his number, send him messages on social media and start chatting. This way you can ask him out sometime, either via messages or in real life, whichever one seems easiest for you.
You don't have to stick to this plan 100%. I just think it's more fun to get to know someone in real life before really talking to them on social media (a lot).
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby Cruel& » 6th December, 2017, 2:21 am

Thank you all for your replies!

Truthfully, we've never spoken to each other, and neither him or I have shown signs of interests in one another.
What if I were to be direct & tell him I like him, & then ask him out?

As much as I just want to be open & honest (set free from this feeling, in a sense), everyone here's concerns are helpful in showing me the better road to take of waiting to tell him.
"Not my prowess he said
I couldn't be caught dead with what I feel
But I don't know what I feel"
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby wolbre04 » 6th December, 2017, 7:55 am

You can ask him directly if you want, it's always up to you, and there is a chance it will be a yes and everything works out.
I would always say play it safer and just get to know him, as I mentioned, asking him directly could completely blindside him in a negative or a positive way. If you don't know him super well, I wouldn't take the risk there, but those are my opinions only.
If you really feel like walking up directly and saying it, by all means do so, you make the choice!
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby Cruel& » 7th December, 2017, 1:13 am

After some thought, I've decided I'm going to directly tell him.
Specifically, I've never been direct with a boy, and since I already know his sexuality, I figure I don't risk being outed or made fun of.
"Not my prowess he said
I couldn't be caught dead with what I feel
But I don't know what I feel"
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby wolbre04 » 7th December, 2017, 8:00 am

Good luck buddy!
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby Cruel& » 9th December, 2017, 2:02 am

I DM'ed him earlier this night & could not be prouder of myself.

Basically, we talked about out schedule & classes, but me being the bravest gay boy, I asked him out.
He's bisexual but isn't out to his family; that being said he's not really comfortable in gay relationships. We did however agree to keep talking & actually converse in class :lol:

From this whole experience, I learned to never disregard your own feelings, & to also never fear them either.
"Not my prowess he said
I couldn't be caught dead with what I feel
But I don't know what I feel"
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby Cruel& » 14th December, 2017, 2:08 am

I could use some advice now :(

He & I have been texting a lot, but our conversations in person are really awkward.
I just get so jittery around him, but yet I want to get to know him better
How can I get to the point of being able to fully understand him, and vice versa?
"Not my prowess he said
I couldn't be caught dead with what I feel
But I don't know what I feel"
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby wolbre04 » 14th December, 2017, 11:57 am

Oftentimes getting to really know someone involves more than just talking, so maybe you could ask him if he wanted to do something like seeing a movie, going to a concert, go paint balling, an escape room, etc etc. Sometimes you get to know a person more through their actions and behaviors than their words!
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby Cruel& » 15th December, 2017, 10:33 pm

wolbre04 wrote:Oftentimes getting to really know someone involves more than just talking, so maybe you could ask him if he wanted to do something like seeing a movie, going to a concert, go paint balling, an escape room, etc etc. Sometimes you get to know a person more through their actions and behaviors than their words!


Great idea nonetheless, but I feel like that seems too much like a date, and I don't know how he'd feel since we're just talking.

Perhaps if I tag a friend along it'll be less intimate & more friendly.
"Not my prowess he said
I couldn't be caught dead with what I feel
But I don't know what I feel"
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Re: How should I approach this guy?

Unread postby wolbre04 » 16th December, 2017, 12:21 am

Cruel& wrote:
wolbre04 wrote:Oftentimes getting to really know someone involves more than just talking, so maybe you could ask him if he wanted to do something like seeing a movie, going to a concert, go paint balling, an escape room, etc etc. Sometimes you get to know a person more through their actions and behaviors than their words!


Great idea nonetheless, but I feel like that seems too much like a date, and I don't know how he'd feel since we're just talking.

Perhaps if I tag a friend along it'll be less intimate & more friendly.

I guess really how you feel about it is different than how I do. I have plenty of attractive friends that I've asked to go to stuff like that and it doesn't feel like a date at all, but bringing a small group might make it feel more comfortable for sure!
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