Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

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Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

Unread postby DotMycin » 1st February, 2018, 1:16 am

I don't know how to write this without writing a fucking novel...


I don't know what to do about my friend (I'm going to call him Dale for now) and Is relationship. I think I want to date him? I think he might want to date me? I don't know what I want from our relationship. I don't think he knows either.
Here's a few things about my friend Dale and I that stick out in my mind when concidering things:

-We've been friends since we were 13 (now 18)

-Dale hates touch, and cringes at even the accidental elbow touch from anyone.

-I love touch, and am a very cuddly guy who hugs almost everyone.

-Dale and i jokingly flirt a LOT, even so far as to allow me to smack his ass, or play footsies

-He's never dated anyone, ever.

-Dale confessed that he identifies as "mostly-straight" and always corrects me now whenever I call him straight.

-I identify as Bisexual, and am proudly out

-Dale drunkedly admitted that most men are 1's, and that I'm a 7 most of the time

-After a very sexual joke where I said I mostly top, he said that he "always imagined me as the bottom"

-used to not care about making flirtatious jokes in front of people, but now gets kind of awkward/defensive if I try to make them in public. Even text messages if he's in a public place he'll tell me it isn't the time. Totally okay with them when it's just us, or we're texting when he's at home.


-he started a juice cleanse, and made a lot of jokes about how he bought an enema for it. A rediculous amount that I'm not even sure if they were all jokes

-makes lots of plans for just the 2 of us, often follows through, but not always

-his homelife... Isn't the best, I think his dad used to be abusive/still is, but he won't tell me anything

-i recently (about a month ago) got out of a bad relationship with a guy, and my emotions are all over the place

-I have really bad mental health problems right now because it's winter which fucks with depression and anxiety (and you know, the breakup).

-Dale and I are eachothers only real emotional support systems right now.



So yeah, I don't know what to do. I really need him as emotional support, but I also think I might want to sleep with him and be in a relationship? And I don't know where he stands or if he even knows what he wants to do. And the sexual tension between us keeps building and building and I don't know what to do or if I should even address it? I'm not even sure if our flirtatious jokes are even jokes anymore or we're just heavily flirting... I want to tell him what I'm thinking because it doesn't feel right to keep secrets from him, but I don't want to scare him away and loose that emotional bond. Is it worth the risk? What should I do???



I'm sorry for all of my rambling and my weird point form list thing but as I said I'm a wreck and just really need advice. Thanks for reading.
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Re: Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

Unread postby TheBrunswickian » 1st February, 2018, 4:04 am

This is going to sound cliche but talk to him. Say that you're a bit confused by the signals you're getting from him. Ask if there's something there or if its just friendly banter. Its difficult but its the best way to clear the air.
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Re: Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

Unread postby Hierax » 1st February, 2018, 10:55 am

Yeah, I agree with Jesse. I think you should ask him about it, if you really think want to date him, you should get some clarification.
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Re: Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

Unread postby user1103 » 1st February, 2018, 4:27 pm

It seems that you are really confident! I have a similar situation and I know how hard it can be to talk about those issues. I think that you must calm down and organize your life as best as you can now, but eventually you could talk to him :)! Anyway, you must be sure he’s ok with that kind of talk, just to be sure that it won’t affect your friendship ;)
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Re: Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

Unread postby Cobalt » 1st February, 2018, 4:52 pm

I mean, in most cases it's guys just HOPING their straight friend is gay but I think in this case when he's explicitly stated he's "mostly straight" aka "a little bit gay" and that you're a 7 it's clear he has sexual inclinations towards you and I think you should definitely approach that with him and talk about it.

I know you want to keep your friendship, but this could be potentially something great that you might not want to miss out on. Best of luck! :hug:
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Re: Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

Unread postby swedeam » 2nd February, 2018, 10:49 am

Cobalt wrote:I mean, in most cases it's guys just HOPING their straight friend is gay but I think in this case when he's explicitly stated he's "mostly straight" aka "a little bit gay" and that you're a 7 it's clear he has sexual inclinations towards you and I think you should definitely approach that with him and talk about it.

I know you want to keep your friendship, but this could be potentially something great that you might not want to miss out on. Best of luck! :hug:

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Re: Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

Unread postby DotMycin » 2nd February, 2018, 7:49 pm

All very good advice! I hesitate to talk about it with him due to it possibly ruining the friendship we've had for so long, but I think you guys are right and I should just ask him about it. Thanks everyone!
But, uhm 'nother question... How should I bring it up and what how do I even ask about it?
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Re: Should he be my best friend or my boyfriend?

Unread postby Dolly » 3rd February, 2018, 1:49 pm

TheBrunswickian wrote:This is going to sound cliche but talk to him. Say that you're a bit confused by the signals you're getting from him. Ask if there's something there or if its just friendly banter. Its difficult but its the best way to clear the air.


tbh this. he could always be joking, so don't be upset if he rejects your move. best of luck ;)
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