Awkward Long Distance Relationship (should I let it go)

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Awkward Long Distance Relationship (should I let it go)

Unread postby SecretJar » 7th February, 2018, 9:48 am

About 3 years ago I met this guy online not intentionally but as we continued to speak day after day we formed a really unbelievable connection, we seemed to be to the other S/O's that we've always imagined meeting in some magical way. We talked every single day over text on or on the phone there was nothing we couldn't share with one another and were never turned off by anything we thought the other might find off putting.

The issues: neither of us were strangers to having relationships in real life I want to make that clear. However in our particular relationship we've never met but of course planned to at a point where 1500 miles wasn't such a burden. He had personal issues well of course we both did. It's important though to explain his for the sake of understanding. He felt he was not attractive and was and still is very sure about getting a plastic surgery procedure done before we ever met. We exchanged pictures from time to time either just normal ones or sexual if that was the mood. He would send me pictures of bits and parts of his face, and the more sexual ones he was okay with sending because they weren't of his face, I on the other hand had sent pictures of my face on a few occasions partly because of course I wanted to and also I thought being more open might make him comfortable with doing so his self. Anyhow in all this time I have never seen an entire picture of his face and there were never any video chats over all this time. He says it has absolutely nothing to do with what I might think about him but how he felt about himself. The reason we stay so connected and for so long is because even without knowing what he looked like or even him just having this crippling fear of being seen there was remarkable substance in our connection.

As time went on we had many arguments and disagreements definitely due to the circumstances of the relationship. But still both agreed the connection was too much to let the circumstances ruin it. The biggest starter of these disagreements was sex, to him sex wasn't anything specific, which I agreed with to a certain extent. However our sex life due to circumstances was through text messages or through voice. My fault as he argued many times was that this very specific way of expressing sex was very much lacking and eventually not arousing over the 3 years we've been talking. There were no real plans on actually meeting it was solely based on if he was ever able to get the surgery he wanted and whether or not he felt comfortable enough with himself after. Even with the "sexting" or whatever you want to call it our conversations were so very arousing mentally and emotionally, but his point was if there was no sex (sexting or through voice) it just wasn't worth it for him.

We'd "broken up" before many times and within a matter of a few days at the most we were "back together". As much as I love him for me this wasn't something that could be sustained through "sexting" as the only means of sexual expression with the added notion that even ever meeting would be determined over an indefinite amount of time based on whether or not he felt better about himself after he got a surgery that he doesn't yet have the means of getting. The killing part is there were times where we "broke up" and me losing interest in "sexting" made him feel so unwanted that it was easier for him to go out and find a hook-up in real life. The arguments always turned into me being "disinterested" in sex and neglecting him. He always spoke as if we were actually physically together and I just didn't want him. Regardless of me feeling lonely due to the circumstances even though we spoke every single day. It was almost as if the details didn't matter when it came to justifying his plight, because the fact is I've never met nor seen him in 3 plus years!

I myself have felt like this has needed to end for some time, but still very much drawn to him even with all the dysfunction between us. He would break up with me on occasion saying he couldn't "compromise on sex" even if it meant losing our connection. And text me back the next day saying he just couldn't do it. Even as I'm just typing this out, less than a minute ago he texted me asking "am I making a mistake". Anyway I'm going to continue because I would like insight on this I've wanted to ask advise before but this is just such a bizarre situation plus way too much to explain.

So anyway he broke up with me today saying he couldn't be in a relationship with someone who "doesn't want sex" -.- "has a low sex drive". And this notion is based on disinterest in "sexting" because that's all that can be afforded apparently at this time.

I'm upset by the thought of never speaking to him again but I can't help feeling foolish for having let this go on for so long and trying to disregard the notion that this just may never happen. I'd also like to mention something specific that seems to be brought up each time he "breaks up" with me including this last time he always says something to the effect of "there's a line of people waiting to take over if you can't handle this" he says it every single time and this time specifically he says "I already know someone who's interested in me"

Anyway good, bad, I just want some insight this is something I can't really talk about with anyone because of the circumstances, I feel like most people just wouldn't understand. I suppose I just want to feel better about the situation if at all possible.

It's excruciating I've never been so close to someone and it feels like not only my heart but every major organ is being ripped out of me. The arguments have been going on for so long I really felt like letting go was the right thing to do, but it feels like death knowing that I'll never hear from him again and will never have the chance to meet or find someone as closely fitting x|
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Re: Awkward Long Distance Relationship (should I let it go)

Unread postby Dolly » 7th February, 2018, 3:03 pm

Long distance relationships almost always naturally end up falling apart. I would say you have already had a good enough reason for it to end if you haven't even seen what he looks like in 3 years...
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