i like(lowkeylove) my best friend sos

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i like(lowkeylove) my best friend sos

Unread postby taylorr0414 » 8th February, 2018, 11:08 pm

this is a bit much but thats ok
i've been best friends w this girl for close to three years now. we've just clicked really well since day one, and we quickly became one another's main source of comfort and go-to. when i first met her, i was almost positive i was straight, bc i had dated guys (poorly lol) before and in my head that was the only qualifier. in the beginning of our friendship, we would joke about getting married and even having girl crushes on each other (i make it sound really obvious but i swear it wasn't.)
a couple months ago, certain things made me start questioning if i really was completely straight, and how i felt towards her. i started to learn that these innocent girl crushes and curiosities weren't nothing like i had thought.
we've always been pretty touchy as friends, always cuddling and hugging and somehow touching, always, and i now feel like that is me filling the gap where i can't actually get up the courage to tell her how i feel, let alone come out to her.
i've come out to a total of five people, her, my very best friend, not being one of them. as long as she doesn't know i'm queer, we have this wall of blurry sexuality that keeps these touches and hugs and stuff innocent. also, idek know which way she swings either.
part of me - the self destructive part - thinks that im making all this up, that i don't really like her that way and it's just me trying to use my best friend to fill a hole she doesn't belong in.
the other part of me, the nicer, more rational side, believes i really really really really really like her v much.
i don't know what to do about any of this. i just feel so jumbled and like i can't be myself around her completely bc im hiding such a large part of who i am from the person who means the most, but the thing keeping me from telling her is the fear of losing what we have.
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Re: i like(lowkeylove) my best friend sos

Unread postby Dolly » 8th February, 2018, 11:27 pm

First, I would try figuring out if she is straight herself. The odds aren't in your favor, but it's worth trying to at least see if you'd have a shot. If you aren't able to find any information out about her, you could ask her. If you find out for certain she's straight, I would say there's nothing you can do unless you want to potentially spoil your friendship. Best of luck. :)
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